He Made it

Here I lay in bed. Today is dads 58th birthday. My old man shuffling his feet along, changing everyday. Aged overnight just the way I pictured him 30 years from now. I imagined him more bald and even less hearing. 

The funny way we picture our parents and hope they make it to their 80's. 

It's not just the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves. We picture the way we wish our loved ones will be because like myself I think they will never die.

Hell, my only set of grandparents are tooting along. They may not be what they were when I remembered grandpa retiring, or baking cookies with grandma. But even when their time comes  I'll have a hard time letting go. Too many memories and even though they lived their life and retirement the best they could. I'm still going to picture grandpa in his recliner and grandma on the computer. I'm always going to be on their living room floor looking forward to Dateline or 20/20. 

I'm trying to find peace with the idea of cancer taking my dad. Still cannot believe out of my closest friends he will be the 3rd dad to pass. 

Maybe it's their generation? Maybe it's how hard they worked and didn't play enough?

This last week my heart broke again. A sweet co-worker was given devastating news that his cancer came back and even more so it's 2 times more aggressive. Just when I thought some good could come of a hard fight, Cancer fucking wins again!!

I've put my heart and soul into a situation I for once in my life cannot solve. It's frustrating, heartbreaking and at most has drained a piece of life out of me. 

Happy Birthday to the man who gave me life. Thank you for making it this far. My sweet young old man. 

-Chantel 

 P.S.

Although  it's been difficult, thank you so much to all my family, friends and everyone who has been to Wyoming to see dad. Even if it's been years. It's about the nostalgia. It's not just meant something to dad, but me as well.