Peeking Into My World

I believe in God. My spirituality and understanding is deeper and more complex than I have ever shared.  Even as a child I knew there was a life before being brought into this world. If I shared my story, most people would put me in the "crazy" category. With that being said, it's hard for me not to be an honest person. I believe in sin, I believe we need to live honestly with oneself. Your spiritual gain should be what is close to your heart and soul. Nobody should take that away from you.  I honestly believe most people are good and honest. Even with demons they may thrive to be better in every way possible. I may be a little naive to this thought process but looking into someones eyes can tell you a lot about one's soul. I believe being one of God's children we are here and allowed to falter and make mistakes as long as you can acknowledge your own mis halves because nobody is perfect. No halo shines brighter than reflecting on being your true self.  ...

Sometimes it is difficult for me to even find the words as to how I am feeling. I have just been walking in a haze since the summer first began. I have been so stressed and upset that so much is changing. I spent a week with dad in September.I cannot even remember the summer. It doesn't even exist in my mind. It's amazing how much he changed in just a matter of months. It's like the entire world just weighed down on him. He has lost so much weight and just aged over night because of all the chemo. I enjoyed my time with him. I've seen my dad tired but now  his big brown eyes dawn a much older man. Tired, worried, scared and regret. I cry often... It was daily but it's more every couple days. Something like a photo, song or memory will trigger it. The thought of what he won't be here for kills me more than anything. Having that constant in my life missing is not something I ever thought would happen. Dad never missed anything I did in my life. Except marrying D...